Calvin, babysat guerilla commando
by TomDragonblade
Summary: Rosalyn babysits Calvin, but the dictator-for-life of G.R.O.S.S is'nt going to stand for this indignity...COMPLETED!
1. Barracuda meets GROSS

**Calvin, babysat guerilla commando!**

I'm back, after a disasterous first fic. Hopefully this will be better. I apologize to the person who's fic it was similar to, I did not mean to even fall in the gray area, I didn't know your fic existed. And now, on with the fic! (I know there are a lot of Rosalyn stories, but everyone likes them.) Oh, and I don't own anything. Period.

**_ Ch. 1. Barracuda meets G.R.O.S.S_**

Calvin grinned, life was good. He had the new _Commander Plastic Explosive _issue,and Hobbes was around to eat his veggie glop,which Calvin strongly suspected was really boiled mole guano. Suddenly, his mom stuck her head in the room.

"Calvin, your father and I are going to a fancy resteraunt, and you have a baby-sitter. Rosalyn just pulled in. Be good,for once."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Calvin's entire life passed before his eyes. Rosalyn was an evil, talking barracuda in a high school senior suit! He'd never survive the night! Unless.............."HOBBES! CODE BABY-SITTER! EMERGENCY G.R.O.S.S MEETING!"

Beneath an all-purpose cardboard box in Calvin's room.....

"This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club will come to order, Dictator-for-life Calvin presiding!"

"First Tiger Hobbes recording meeting minutes!"

"The purpose of this meeting is to create a plan to defeat Rosalyn, whose offenses include: Babysitting, aiding and abetting the enemy-

"A question from the floor."

"The chair reciognises First Tiger Hobbes."

"Exactly when did Rosalyn "aid and abet the enemy?""

"She's a GIRL, for crying out loud! Of course she has!!"

"Ah."

"I have taken the liberty of drawing a map-

"I thought **I** was the club cartographer?!?"

"As Dictator-for-life, I can take any privelige I darn well like!"

"This completely undermines our club charter!"

"According to which, you should have been kicked out or used as water balloon practice long ago!"

"For what?!?!"

"Being willingly captured by the enemy!"

"I was a spy, and you know it! I read Susie's diary!"

"And you gave her your water balloon!"

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again! I'm easily wiled by a woman in a swimsuit."

""TRAITORUS FLEABAG! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

The cardboard "box of secrecy" began to shake as the 53 1/2 meeting of G.R.O.S.S degenerated into snarls, yelps, and cries of "No biting!"The spirit of G.R.O.S.S-ness was definately in the air.

So, what do you think? Too short? Too long? Review and tell me. This is'nt one-shot. Poor Rosalyn...........Please don't ask me which one is the 1/2 meeting.


	2. Guerilla strike!

**_Calvin, babysat guerilla commando_**

I'm back, hope you liked ch.1. Now, to respond to reviewers

**Amy**: Thanks, this chapter will have Rosalyn in it. Don't you love it when he steals her science notes?

**Jessica:** Thanks for the reveiw. More refernces this chapter. Thanks for the compliment :).

**Little Lulu:** WOW! You really think so? Thanks!!!!!

**Darknight613**: Thanks, Calvin and Hobbes are fairly easy to keep in character.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'll keep up this fic, it's a lot of fun to write.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING.

**_CH. 2 GUERILLA STRIKE!!!!_**

Rosalyn sipped her tea. For once, that little monster known as Calvin was quiet. This time, she hadn't brought her homework, in case he took it again. Now, she was prepared....

"All right, fuzz-brain. Get this right. You distract Rosalyn with the dart gun, and I go out the window with the water ballon and let her have it. Got it?"

"Got it."

Calvin started down the sheet-rope out the window, but paused.

"Hobbes?"

"Yeah?"

"If you get captured again, willingly, you're in **BIG** trouble, especially if you give her the dart gun!!!"

"Just go already."

A noise came from upstairs. Calvin's voice floated down.

"Rosalyn, I feel AWFUL..........."

Rosalyn paused. She suddenly remembered when Calvin tried this before...

"Calvin, if you jump me with that sheet again......"

"No, really, I think I'm gonna hurl!"

Rosalyn took the steps four at a time. When she got there, there was only a stuffed tiger with a dart gun and a rope made out of bedcovers hanging out the window. For once, she hoped he would do something like this. Rosalyn grinned, and raced down the stairs. As soon as she couldn't see him, Hobbes picked up a walkie talkie. The radio on it was broken, so he put it down and picked up a flashlight. They would have to use morse code. But, as usual, his stomach got the better of him...

Outside, Calvin waited in the dark. He had his walkie-talkie and flashlight, and his water balloon, for when Rosalyn came out. Suddenly, the window lit up. Calvin whipped out his Scout handbook.

"Let's see now... dot-dash-dot, dash-dash-dash, okay, so Rosalyn went downstairs, and pick me up a CAN OF TUNA?!?"

Calvin stomped around to the front door.

"Stupid tiger, what if there was something important to tell me, and he forgot because of tuna fish?!?"

He opened the door, and found himself staring straight down the barrel of a WATER GUN?

"Gotcha!!!!" Rosalyn yelled as she squirted him.

"AUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!! OH NOOOOOO!!!" Calvin shrieked, heading straight for the yard, and his dad's bike shed. In his mind, he was the valiant spaceman Spiff, pursued across an alien terrain by an unspeakable horror!

"We join our hero as he is pusued by a zorg, across planet G57! His only hope is to trick it into a containment facility located nearby!"

Calvin raced for the bike shed, and at the last second, dodged. Rosalyn careened foward, landing in the shed as Calvin slammed the door, locking it!

Dontcha hate cliffhangers? R&R to find out what happens!


	3. Babysitters, Brats, and Bubblegum

**Calvin, babysat guerilla commando**

I have returned, for another chapter!!!!! Sorry it's been awhile, algebra homework(the horror, the horror!!!!) and lawn mowing have been eating up my time. First things first, I will respond to everyone who reviewed. Glad you like my story, it keeps me writing:)

**Nightbug08:** Thank you, that was a nice review.

**Streek471:** AAAAAAAAA!!! please..don't yell..... Here's more:)

**hobbes:** Thanks for pointing that out nicely. Maybe the handbook is a bit much, but there's no way Rosalyn is doing her homework or talking to Charlie on the phone at Calvin's house again, and there isn't much the blond-headed terror can do to tea. Thanks for the honest review!

**ZeeZee:** Thanks, as I said before, they are pretty easy.

**Daniel Bernstein:** Sorry it wasn't that funny to you, but you could picture it, and that's something!

**Me:** Yeah, she does, but I bet Calvin would say super_villain_. She gets out in an interesting way. Like I said, she's prepared this time.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Now, on with the fic!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I own zero, zip, nada, zilch. Take your pick, I got more.

**BRATS, BABYSITTERS, AND BUBBLE GUM**

Rosalyn fumed. The little brat had done it again! Next time, it would be ten dollars an hour, if there was a next time! She searched in her pockets. Maybe there would be something she could use to get out of here. "Let's see... Car keys, spare key to my house, hair tie, spare change, hair pin... Hang on!!! There's no way this is going to work, it's too corny..." But Rosalyn put the hair pin in the lock anyway, and sure enough, it worked! "That was corny, but it worked. When I get my hands on that brat..." With that, she stormed off to the house.

Calvin grinned. Rosalyn was locked up, his parents weren't due home for a few more hours, and there was nothing to stop him and Hobbes from doing what they wanted to. And, currently, they wanted to watch a movie they normally wouldn't be able to.

"Any luck yet, Hobbes?"

"Here's a good one. _Cannibal Airline Stewardesses_? Oooooo, here's a better one._ Return of the Attack of the Chainsaw Alien?"_

"YEAH!!!!!!!! That's great! Go make some popcorn."

"Okay, I'll-IS THAT ROSALYN!?! HIDE, QUICK, SHE'LL MAIM US!!!!!!"

But Calvin just smiled.

"Already taken care of, Hobbes. Already taken care of."

Rosalyn stomped toward the house. She was mad, and Calvin was going to get it! She pulled the spare key from under the doormat, and stuck it in the lock. It wouldn't turn. She jiggled it around. It didn't make a sound. She tried all the ground floor windows and the back door with the same result. Frusturated, she peered into the front door lock, and saw something pink and sticky.

"BUBBLE GUM!?! That little troll!"

She shouted for a few more minutes, then sighed. It was a long walk to Susie's, and she was the only person Rosalyn knew in this neighborhood. Hopefully, her parents were still awake and the phone was free.

Inside, Calvin did a little dance. Hobbes watched Rosalyn leave with an unbelieving grin on his face.

"YES!!!" yelled Calvin. "Babysat guerilla commandos,1, evil barracuda babysitter, 0!!! WE WIN!!!"

Hobbes stared. "We actually kicked her out! She gave up!"

"Now, Hobbes, about that popcorn..."

"Gotcha."

Two creepy, gore-splattered hours later, both Calvin and Hobbes were clutching each other in terror as the last teenager on the bus vanished in a spray of blood. The bladed head of the chainsaw alien charged at the camera, and they shrieked with terror and hid under the blanket on the couch.

"Hobbes, I think I heard something in the basement!!!"

"Knock it off, this is too scary already, I think I hocked a hairball!"

"I mean it! We have to see if it's the Chainsaw Alien!"

"Why?"

"Because it might sneak up on us and-"

"Alright, you don't need to elaborate." said Hobbes, as screams emitted from the TV.

"Flashlight?"  
"Check."

"Baseball bat?"

"Check."

"Submachine gun?"  
"Couldn't find it, Hobbes, but Dad has to have one somewhere..."

"Let's go."

The basement door opened with a creaking noise. As Calvin set foot on the first step, there was a scurrying noise. Moonlight glinted off something metal(probably exposed piping) and Hobbes screeched,"IT'S THE CHAINSAW ALIEN, CALVIN!!! RUN FOR IT!!!"

They raced upstairs, and locked the door at the bottom of the staircase.

"Hobbes, that won't hold it for long. We need boobytraps!"

"G.R.O.S.S guerilla, reporting for duty!"

"First, get string, a bucket, water, balloons, carpet tacks, and other materials."

"You go first."

The setting: an expensive, fancy resteraunt.

Beep, Beep, Beep.

"Sorry, that's my cell phone. Hello? Yes, this is Mrs.Jones. Oh, hello, Rosalyn. Is eveything going well? HE DID WHAT?!? I'm so sorry! Your calling from Susie's? Why? HE WHAT? Oh my goodness. I am very sorry. We'll be right over."

Calvin's mom hung up the phone.

"I'm sorry, dear. We have to go, NOW."

What do you think? I need ideas for booby traps.

I already have:

Water pail over Calvin's door

Carpet tacks and water balloons on the stairs

String tripwire

Submitting via review is fine(I never check my E-mail)

Remember to R&R!


	4. Babysat guerilla commandos VS The Naggon...

**Calvin, babysat guerilla commando**

Okay, I'm back. Sorry about the wait, I've been really busy. So lets just get down to the next part, which everyone has either been waiting for, hoping I wouldn't write, or just plain ignoring. I'm making up for the wait with a nice, loooooooooooooong chapter (Along with the conclusion!). Thanks to everyone who reviewed and commented!

Disclamer: I'm certain you bloodsucking legal parasites who force us to write these disclaimers know I don't own Calvin and Hobbes, but, just to be safe, I don't.

**Babysat guerilla commandos VS. The Naggon Empress**

Calvin grinned. The members of G.R.O.S.S had certainly outdone themselves in anti-Chainsaw Alien measures.

He was hoping it would take Rosalyn while she was walking away and leave them alone. But in case it didn't, it would get a few surprises.

"Okay, Hobbes. Is everything in place?"

"Yeah, but I see-"

"No time, Hobbes! We need to check the traps on the windows."

"I did, but-"

"What about the bathtub? And the entryway?"

"Yeah, yeah, they're ok, but-"

"What about the stairs?"

"YEAH, BUT-"

"What is it? What's so important?"

"Your parents just pulled into the drive, and they have Rosalyn with them!"

In Calvin's mind, the scarred and battle-hardened Dictator-for-life of G.R.O.S.S, the last surviving vestiege of humanity to resist the invading Naggons (he had been playing quite a few video games lately, before his mom saw what they were rated) gave orders to his First Tiger as the Naggon shock troops poured into the G.R.O.S.S hideout.

"Quick, Hobbes! Arm the Destructo-Bombs! We can hold out in the War Room!"

"Yes, SIR!" said Hobbes, quickly falling into his role and grabbing a handfull of limp balloons and two dart guns.

Calvin's dad groaned, seeing the sticky pink gum oozing out of the lock.

"I alway's knew that he would lock us out..."

Calvin's mom grinned. "That's why I never told him about that door around back. He thinks it was boarded up."

Rosalyn smiled. "Well, I really need to go."

"Okay, here's your pay."

As Rosalyn left, Calvin's dad groaned again.

"She's really running a racket..."

Calvin heard the noise of a door opening. He gritted his teeth, hiding in the bathtub.

"How did they get past the force fields!"

"Don't know, sir, but maybe we should lead a strike team?"

"Exellent idea, Hobbes. You're promoted to Chief Strategic Officer. Here's a bottle cap of valor."

"Thanks, Dictator-for-life Calvin."

"Welcome. The enemy should be hitting the booby traps right about...NOW."

From downstairs, there came a crashing, thumping sound, a splash, and..."WHERE'S THAT KID?"

Calvin grinned again. "Water pail over the door. A classic. Let's go."

"Ok, dart guns-"

"AHEM."

"I mean, electro-pistols and Destructo-bombs all around."

"Much better."

The duo crept downstairs, avoiding the booby-trapped third and fourth steps up. They quickly found Calvin's parents, trying their hardest to avoid the marbles and tacks scattered around the living room floor.

"FIRE! DIE, NAGGON SCUM!"

"CALVIN, NOT IN THE HOUSE!"

But it was too late. The blond-headed terror had flung his water balloons. Calvin's parent's ducked, and they smacked against the wall. Calvin, seeing the expression on his parent's faces, decided to call a tactical retreat, covering it with his dart gun. Unfortunately, he forgot about the booby-trapped third step, and tripped over the jump rope he stole from Susie. He made a grab for the fourth step, but it was covered in soap. He slid down and came to a bumpy halt next to Hobbes. He tried an innocent grin, but his parents, but it was obvious that they weren't buying it. He then tried a different tack.

"You'll never get anything from me, Naggon Empress!"

"I think I will. Specifically, I want an apology."

"That's it?"

"AND you're grounded until you clean this place up, remove the traps, and get the gum out of the keyholes!"

"Dad, make her see reason! PLEASE!"

"It builds character."

"AUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

So, the mission of the baby-sat guerilla commandos ended in complete catastrophy. However, that won't stop Spaceman Spiff and his trusty co-pilot from making an escape attempt from the alien dungeon...

That's the end! R&R, please!


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